
The importance of therapy v's offloading to friends, family and often complete strangers!
We have all been there, telling everyone and anyone we know or don't know all our troubles and past traumas, but should we actually be offloading to friends and family? I think there are certainly things that we can share with friends about our everyday life, things that are impacting our lives right now. However, when it comes to deep trauma or heavy topics just know that your friends and family aren't always the right outlet for that.
For me I was one of those people who used to offload too much, it usually happened at the tipping point of the night when the euphoria started to wear off and the depression started to kick in from whatever I was doing that night. Thats when the tears and offloading would start, victim mentality constantly, "You don't understand what happened to me" "my life is so hard", fuck it must have been so bloody draining for all of those people especially the ones I leaned on constantly and add that on a night out when everyone is having fun and I am wanting to have a D&M! Not just to friends either, to total strangers, I didn't actually care, if you were happy to listen I was happy to off-load.
I actually remember a friend saying to me once "Babe, get over it, it's the past" I was like what a bitch, how cold but when I look back I 100% realise it wasn't actually her responsibility to fix me, it was mine and still is. If you ever get time, listen to the Mel Robbins podcast "Noone is coming" because she is spot on, no one is rolling up to your door to help you clean your shit up, that responsibility is all yours and it's not a quick fix so bunker down in to your therapy and know that one session is not going to fix it all so allow yourself the time to heal.
I first saw a counsellor in my late teens, at the time I attributed a lot of my mental health issues to the guy I was dating who constantly cheated on me and who I constantly went back too. I remember saying my counsellor said you aren't good for me and breaking it off, like I needed someone to validate what I already knew but hearing it from someone impartial really did help.
I'm my 30's and at the height of my alcohol and substance abuse I started seeing a psychiatrist, who chucked me on some meds while we delved in to some pretty heavy shit, they take you all the way back but mainly listen. I can't tell you how many times I left there bawling my eyes out and thinking I am not going back, then he would contact me and I would go back and we would do it all over again. It allowed me a safe space to validate some of the things that had happened in my life and to release them and find some peace with them and I cannot tell you how powerful that is.
In my 40's I was still actively drinking, using substances and I was also mixing anti-anxiety tablets with alcohol and having black-outs for sometimes the entire night, piecing together the night with random pics on my phone and bank transactions (they hurt the most the next day!). So I started to see a psychologist who specialised in anxiety disorders and PTSD, he was amazing! He called me on my behaviour and challenged me which is exactly what I needed as I was still playing the victim for so many things including the continued chaos in my life. I remember him saying to me one day simply, "you know what Beck, some people just shouldn't drink" lightbulb moment and definitely yet another push towards sobriety.
Those 5 to 6 years of therapy between the two of them changed my life. In fact, up until the last Xmas I was still sending my psychologist a Xmas card every year to tell him that I was still sober and thanking him for helping me get there, he also ended up providing a reference for me to becoming a foster carer! It has only been since I started offering therapy myself to others and watching the clients evolve from it that I have truly understood the power of therapy and I 100% know I am meant to be doing this.
I think in life we will generally help anyone that is helping themselves but please be mindful that everyone has their limits, and your friends and family are often not equipped to help you with the heavy stuff. Just know, you are not alone and there is plenty of help out there if you are willing to do the work.