Not everyone reacts the same to alcohol and yes that is a pic of me having one of my first drinks

I was listening to a great podcast yesterday about dopamine and how two people can pick up the same drink, but both will react differently. For me, the moment I drank was the moment I realised that it could numb out some of the internal pain I was feeling and also help me to drown out a lot of the insecurities that I had. I was super skinny and had a gap in my front teeth that I was hypersensitive about, so much so that I wouldn't make eye contact with people especially males. 

I quickly became a big drinker from about 15 and was always waiting for the weekend so I could head out and get my hands on back then cask wine or little buddy bottles of spirits, it was like with every sip I became someone I wasn't when I was sober, I could be funny and wild and free, at least that is what it felt like at the time but what I didn't realise that over time it would feel like anything except being free. 

Something that happened regularly with me when I drank was that there would be an angry side of me that would come out, supressed anger no doubt but anger all the same. I would usually turn on those I loved but it would also rear its ugly head towards others over the years. I had no idea at this point that I was projecting trauma I was carrying, and I wouldn't uncover this for many more years to come and some good therapy!