Does there always have to be a rock bottom for you to change?

Does there always have to be a rock bottom for you to change?

I never really thought I had a rock bottom but when I look back that is probably because I didn't have one, I had many of those moments that should have been the "one" that made me realise I was no longer in control. I'll take you to one of my darkest years for totally being off the rails because this year was the first time someone actually said to me "I love you, but I don't like who you are right now"! 

I was 37 at the time and living in a regional town in South Australia, had just bought a house with who I believed to be my soul mate and best friend when I found out he was cheating on me and my world came crumbling down. I had no support network there like he did and felt completely isolated. I wasn't sleeping and after two days of hardly sleeping I took some pills and washed them down with some straight whisky which lead to me not turning up for work and my manager and colleague turned up at my house to check on me, I wasn't in a good state so will be forever grateful them both as they packed me a suitcase and put on a flight back home to Adelaide to my family. 

That next year I blew my life up, went out every weekend and got wasted. I would disappear on a night out with friends as I didn't want to go home because I didn't want to go to sleep and then wake up with the aftermath of my night out and also the reality of the pain and hurt, I was constantly feeling, I was in a massive cycle of self-destruction. 

That August I went to Bali for a friend's birthday party and as per the image I overindulged in drinking and went straight for the Long Island Tea's simply because they have the most alcohol in them and I ended up being a massive liability! This is when my beautiful friend who is still my bestie told me she loved me but didn't like who I was right now. Coming from her, it really hurt but also coming from her I knew that it was serious and that I was making her worried about me constantly, it was enough for me to take check of my behaviour. 

So, while in Bali, I jumped on a computer, found an AA meeting near home back in Australia and asked them what I needed to do to attend a meeting. True to my word, I got back and went to AA and took some Antabuse tablets to get sober. I remember during those months going to an engagement party for a friend and leaving early and crying the entire way home, why me, why was I the only one that couldn't drink like a normal person. I stayed sober for 3 months before I made myself believe that I was now cured and would be able to handle my intake, but I was wrong .....

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